


M. I. A.

by Peachpancake



Series: Only Human [1]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Dystopia, Dystopian World, Gen, Kinda, M/M, Minho is worried, Robot AU, also all of the ships mentioned can be platonic or romantic, but like, but not to a graphic extent, chan is suffering, descriptions of violence, dystopian au, i wrote this to procrastinate from my other fanfic lol, im sorry bby i love u, minho is a sweetheart, none of them are actual robots, ok so, seungmin jisung and changbin are only mentioned, this is all a lot of angst, uh idk what else to say, woochan is what i was aiming for, woojin is worried, yet again
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-18
Updated: 2018-10-18
Packaged: 2019-08-04 03:14:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,754
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16338749
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Peachpancake/pseuds/Peachpancake
Summary: “How can I -” Chan chokes out a sob, desperately holding onto the younger, “How can I fight for humanity when I’m not human anymore?” He buries his head into the other's shoulder, gasping for air. “How can I fight for humanity, when they made me into this?”





	M. I. A.

**Author's Note:**

> So this is slightly different from my work - I'm not sure where it came from, but, well, enjoy? All I can say is that I cried while writing this yeet
> 
> Also just a note - this is a war au in the future? Like a dystopian world or smt idk

He has this under control. He _swears_ he does. He’s careful, precise, and it’s so natural for him to stay still, hide in the shadows and _observe_ the enemy. His eyes are glued on the infiltrating team’s captain who is leading the rest of the group, holding a machine gun that could blow Chan’s head off, blow his _whole_ team’s head off if they give away their whereabouts. But Chan is good at staying still, so he doesn’t worry too much about that and instead analyses the captain to find all his weaknesses.

 

He notices that he’s slightly limping, occasionally leaning on one of his team member’s to support himself. Upon closer inspection, Chan realises that the captain had been shot, if the badly done bandaging around his thigh and the excessive sweating is anything to go by.

 

_Bingo._

 

He lifts his right arm slowly enough so that it doesn’t alarm the group that is still unaware of the enemy hiding in the room. He feels it warm up and he thanks the gods that it’s been upgraded because it used to make a buzzing noise every time Chan used it and what’s a robot arm good for if you can’t use it for sneak attacks?

 

Turns out he doesn’t have to do a sneak attack, because before he can transform his hand into a gun, a slight noise comes from his right side, and Chan’s blood runs cold.

 

He jumps before he can even think, shooting at the captain as he covers the area the squeak came from, and he knows what he’s doing is stupid and dangerous and _ridiculously unstrategic_ but all he can think of is Jeongin never seeing his family again, Jeongin lying on the floor with his face blasted off and his dead eyes staring at Chan, haunting him, and -

 

All he hears is screams and gunshots before he feels the burning pain and he blacks out.

 

*

 

It’s a new addition to his body. Chan’s expression is blank as he bends his right leg, the metal screeching as it hasn’t been oiled yet. He should feel odd, uncomfortable, but in a weird, unsettling way, the robotic leg feels more familiar than his real one. He closes his eyes, letting out a sigh as he leans back, waiting for the doctor to come back and let him go on his way.

 

He remembers being half in and out of consciousness as they took him to the emergency room and saved his life. He doesn’t remember pain, only the lack of it, and somewhere in those fuzzy memories he can see Jeongin crouching in the corner, holding his hair like he’s going to rip it out as he stares at Chan with trembling lips. He blinks once, and Jeongin is replaced with Seungmin, hiding the younger one from his sight. Chan feels so _fucking_ guilty for letting Jeongin see him literally _exploding_ in front of the boy, feels disgusting and terrified by the fact that he wasn’t able to stop the attack from the first place because he took too long and didn’t take the shot when he had the chance to, and he is so _pathetic_ for not trying hard enough -

 

“Chan.”

 

He looks up, and his eyes meet with Woojin. The older looks exhausted, purple circles under his eyes and pale skin proving that he hasn’t been sleeping lately. He doesn’t spare a glance at Chan’s new robotic leg and somewhere deep in his mind Chan knows it’s because he _despises_ the fact that Chan even has to get that kind of surgery in the first place. He feels irrational anger building up inside of him because of that - what will happen when Chan’s other leg will get so injured it will have to be replaced as well? What will happen when finally the collection will be complete and Chan’s whole body will just be chunks of junk metal put together, perfectly fit for war? Will that be the moment when Woojin will never look at him again?

 

“Hey, Woojin, long time no see,” he grins, attempting to stand up. He stumbles when he’s on his feet, not used to the weight of his new leg, but Woojin places a hand on his shoulder to catch him.

 

“Long time indeed,” Woojin smiles back, although his eyes seem too hollow for the smile to be real.

 

“How’s Jeongin?” asks Chan, already expecting the way Woojin’s face darkened.

 

“He wants to see you,” he says, and after a bit of hesitation, he adds. “He wants to apologise.”

 

Chan is getting ready to tell Woojin that it is absolutely not Jeongin’s fault and that he should not feel guilty, but when he sees the older’s exhausted look, he only nods as he holds onto his arms to walk. For a split second Chan can see Woojin glancing down at his arms, eyes holding something too complicated for him to understand, and Chan leaves it because he knows that he’s programmed for war analysis, not emotions.

 

When they arrive to their small and dark hideout, all of his team members are over him, hugging him like there’s no tomorrow. _Maybe there won’t be,_ Chan thinks without any particular bitterness. It’s what is like to be in a war. He lets out a soft laugh and ruffles everyone’s hair and he catches Woojin smiling fondly at the puppy pile they created. Jeongin is closest to him, blurting out apologies and his eyes are wet from unshed tears, but Chan only places a finger on his lips and pulls him closer, telling him that _It’s okay, I’m okay, I’m so glad you’re safe,_ and the younger practically melts into his embrace.

 

Nobody mentions the fact that Chan’s body is now made up of more metal than muscles and bones, or the fact that there are undeniable scars on his face that will never disappear. And if he catches Jisung hiding his face into Changbin’s chest as they watch him making dinner, he doesn’t say a thing. Because he knows that pained look in their eyes _too_ well, seeing it after every single operation he had. He knows the fear they hold as well, because Chan sees it every time he looks into the mirror - the fear that eventually he will lose himself and all that will be left is broken metal.

 

*

 

Chan rooms with Minho and Woojin, for strategic reasons. If their base is attacked, each room has a fighter, a healer and a defender. He doesn’t like to think of the fact that he started out as a healer and only after the many injuries and surgeries they made him into a weapon. Woojin took over as the doctor, and Chan thinks it suits him better than being a fighter anyway.

 

He lies in his bed, observing the older as he turns in his sleep, a frown deepening on his face. Chan’s eyes start to drop but he forces himself awake, afraid of following Woojin because he knows that there are only nightmares waiting for him. He glances at Minho, who seems to be in a similar situation to Woojin, and the leader sighs, getting up from his bed to cover the other two with their blankets. He gives Minho a kiss on the forehead, a silent apology for making him feel guilty during the ambush. As the defender, Chan knows that Minho essentially blames himself for what happened. He made sure to give him hugs and reassuring words when he was finally back on his legs, but he knows that that’s not enough to soothe the younger.

 

When he gets to Woojin, he gently pulls the blanket up to the older’s chin, softly smiling at him. Chan doesn’t get to look after Woojin like he looks after the younger ones, but he still has the urge to. He hesitantly lifts his hands to wipe the sweat off of his forehead, but stops midway, his breath catching between his teeth.

 

_Right._

 

His hands were robotic.

 

He bitterly pulls his hand back, trying to blink away the tears that suddenly appear in his eyes. He hides his arms behind him even though he knows Woojin doesn’t even know he’s there, but he feels embarrassed and _disgusting_ for even thinking of comforting the older. How could he? His touch would be cold and lifeless. It would scare Woojin even more instead of soothing him. He silently groaned in frustration, leaning back against the wall next to the older’s bed. He buried his fingers in his hair, pressing his lips together as he tried to calm down, but the exhaustion and the _fear_ that’s buried deep within his bones don’t let him. He breathes heavily, trying to stay silent, but his breaths get shakier until eventually his whole body is shaking.

 

“Chan?”

 

 _Shit_. He woke Minho up.

 

“I’m fine, go back to sleep,” he says quickly, forcing a smile on his face as he sits up straight. He sees the doubt on the younger’s face and he’s not surprised when he doesn’t listen and instead comes closer to him.

 

“Chan, please tell me what’s wrong.”

 

The older stays silent. He opens and closes his mouth, smiling and then frowning and then his tears spill again, feeling greasy like oil and it makes him want to throw up.

 

“Chan, what -” Minho looks more panicked now, reaching for the leader and pulling him in for a hug. “Shh, it’s okay, it’s okay.” He rocks their bodies back and forth, still sounding a bit scared and Chan knows it’s because he doesn’t _cry_. He’s not supposed to cry. None of his team members ever saw him shed a tear - not when their city got destroyed, not when they got taken to fight for a war that isn’t theirs, not when he got his first surgery.

 

“How can I -” Chan chokes out a sob, desperately holding onto the younger, “How can I fight for humanity when I’m not human anymore?” He buries his head into the other's shoulder, gasping for air. “How can I fight for humanity, when they made me into this?”

 

“Oh, Chan,” Minho holds him incredibly tight, and Chan feels another pair of arms embracing him, feels the warmth that only Woojin can offer, and he cries harder. They all cry, because they all know that there isn’t an answer to the leader’s question, only pain and fear. They hold each other close as they each weep for the loss of something that was taken away from them.

 


End file.
